Today a visit to a wise friend had triggered more thought about myself once again. Background: my relationship with my parents is love/hate stupidity/stubborness, or in short, fucked up. They always enjoy pushing me into a direction that they would like me to go to since most of my life is very much different from what they have planned. I guess that's their way to express their love: pushing without really getting to know the pushed.
perhaps my parents had became the mould I made my ultimate ideal partner of : someone who is willing to get to know me and have some patient.
Blame it on the parents, if it is a song it would be everyone's theme.
As i meet someone new and feel like a relationship prospect with him, my exterior side will first blossom, those blossoming shown a number of quality that, if he attracts to, built a base of the relationship. Why? [After my conversation with my friend, I decided to blame myself instead of the others.] For the interior side of me, I enjoy catering for someone important, during the early stages of the relationship I begin to create a checklist and try to tick of anything that I fits or don't fit, and slowly morphing myself into someone I think that person likes, slowly the person sees a different me, a me that is not whom he's initially attracted to, the relationship then crumbles, then fall apart.
Maybe for the next few bits I shall start think about my own fault...
